117 dB In The Shade

Distraught by his team's ponderous
deficit, Giant's coach Tom Coughlin
frantically puffs and imaginary
cigar in a desperate attempt
to relax.

Dear D-Bag:

I'm assuming that you haven't answered my last post because you have something lodged in your throat or are trapped under something heavy. I'll just continue:

Went to the game. I've never seen such a first-quarter shellacking handed out by the 'Hawks. I was stunned, but not ungrateful. The fans were delightfully loud. And I have no harsh words for our mistakes in the fourth quarter. The Giants (or Los Gigantes as they say in Spanish) are a good team, and I would expect nothing less than them to try to overcome a deficit, no matter how large, by any means at their disposal. Bravo, chaps. Now kindly go home.

What peeves me beyond belief is that the press has utterly and completely ignored the game other than to mention the in-fighting between the team and their coach, viz., Shockey's "we were outplayed and out-coached" comment. And also Coughlin's comment about "my team is a bunch of lip-strumming dumbasses who suck hard enough to draw a golf ball through a garden hose". Or something to that effect. I digress.

No we got nothin'. And I agree that there were bigger stories. The Bengals' removal of Joey Porter's ever-spouting piehole. The Broncos' removal of New England's morale. The surgeon's removal of Chris Simms' spleen. But c'mon - no front page coverage whatsoever? It's as though the game didn't even happen. The Lions-Colts game got more coverage, and that was a sure thing.

But let's flip this argument altogether. Let's say who gives a crap about the press. Let's say we just continue to fly under that radar all the way to Miami. Got any argument with that?

Discuss.

-Thaddeus

Winner vs. Champion: Discuss

Dear Douchebag:

It's been many a week since either one of us has posted. I'll end the drought with some quick observations on the current state of the Most Ossum Sport Ever Devised By Man:

Announcers blow. Even the good ones. Here's their most current verbal offense: "Wow, these guys sure don't look like they did at the end of last season!" They've said this about nearly every team so far. Well let me point out something to you pack of knuckleheads. It's not the end of the season. It's the beginning. And if you're talking about the Seahawks, they're winning at the beginning of the season for a change - so yeah, we don't look like we did at the beginning of last season THANK GOD.

And if you're talking about the how the Steelers don't look like the Super Bowl champs of last year, then: A) I don't freakin' care, and B) they weren't champs by a long shot, they just won the game. There's a difference. Come, sit down by my knee and I'll teach you that difference. (Mr. Madden, please put your Brett Favre doll down for the moment.)

To be a true champion, you have to prevail in both contest and cause. The contest part of the equation is easy. That's the points on the board. The cause is the continued advancement of the human condition. Competitive sport is an unequaled opportunity for humans to practice grace and sportsmanship under adversity - a salient lesson in our most troubled times. It is also an opportunity for the players to teach the spectators that same lesson by example. If you fail on that score, you have squandered your opportunity to enlarge the endowment of positive human experience. And that is a true failure.

Take for example - oh, I don't know I'll just pick someone at random - Ben Worthlessburger. He could've been a champion if he had gone on Letterman after a quite contentious Super Bowl win and defended his close-call touchdown. Instead he snickered and said he didn't make it. To my mind, that shows disrespect to his team and cheapens their win. And it's simply in bad taste. So no, Ben, you are no champion. Winner, yes. Champion, no. (And quit with the on-again, off-again pretty-fly-for-a-white-guy "urban" accent. It only makes you sound like an idiot.)

Man, I rambled. I better get back to work.

Peace,

-Gunn