Winner vs. Champion: Discuss

Dear Douchebag:

It's been many a week since either one of us has posted. I'll end the drought with some quick observations on the current state of the Most Ossum Sport Ever Devised By Man:

Announcers blow. Even the good ones. Here's their most current verbal offense: "Wow, these guys sure don't look like they did at the end of last season!" They've said this about nearly every team so far. Well let me point out something to you pack of knuckleheads. It's not the end of the season. It's the beginning. And if you're talking about the Seahawks, they're winning at the beginning of the season for a change - so yeah, we don't look like we did at the beginning of last season THANK GOD.

And if you're talking about the how the Steelers don't look like the Super Bowl champs of last year, then: A) I don't freakin' care, and B) they weren't champs by a long shot, they just won the game. There's a difference. Come, sit down by my knee and I'll teach you that difference. (Mr. Madden, please put your Brett Favre doll down for the moment.)

To be a true champion, you have to prevail in both contest and cause. The contest part of the equation is easy. That's the points on the board. The cause is the continued advancement of the human condition. Competitive sport is an unequaled opportunity for humans to practice grace and sportsmanship under adversity - a salient lesson in our most troubled times. It is also an opportunity for the players to teach the spectators that same lesson by example. If you fail on that score, you have squandered your opportunity to enlarge the endowment of positive human experience. And that is a true failure.

Take for example - oh, I don't know I'll just pick someone at random - Ben Worthlessburger. He could've been a champion if he had gone on Letterman after a quite contentious Super Bowl win and defended his close-call touchdown. Instead he snickered and said he didn't make it. To my mind, that shows disrespect to his team and cheapens their win. And it's simply in bad taste. So no, Ben, you are no champion. Winner, yes. Champion, no. (And quit with the on-again, off-again pretty-fly-for-a-white-guy "urban" accent. It only makes you sound like an idiot.)

Man, I rambled. I better get back to work.

Peace,

-Gunn